Legalize It, Iowa!

Pragmatically progressive Iowa was well ahead of national trends in legalizing same sex marriage, so I am somewhat befuddled as to why our legislators, courts, and voters have not also been in the forefront of the national movement to decriminalize marijuana.

We’re a farm state, for God’s sake! We can grow anything here! And just imagine what DuPont-Pioneer could do to THC levels and bud yields with a little bit of their hey presto proprietary genetic tinkering! It’ll only be a matter of time before Des Moines Ditchweed, Council Puffs, and Anamosa Gold are famed coast to coast as America’s greatest legal highs!

Also, once the national winds of change finally blow down the barn door of regressive drug laws, you know that there will be plenty of marijuana growing subsidies available, and Iowa’s business community loves few things better than a chance to suck on the Washington sow when a fresh teat pops into view.

If that’s not enough to make you put a NORML bumper sticker on your car, here are 15 more reasons why Iowa should legalize it, now:

  1. State work day would end at 4:20 and April 20 would be a great new State holiday.
  2. It will give RAYGUN lots of ideas for a whole new line of t-shirts, coffee cups and post cards.
  3. It’s a good way to mask the unfortunate smell of hog confinements around the state.
  4. Munchie-crazed patrons might finally be able to eat an entire dinner order at Zombie Burger.
  5. Iowa Weed will have much better free samples at Farmers Market than Iowa Wine can offer.
  6. It will make all the jam bands at 80/35 less annoying.
  7. Watching Terry Branstad spark a fatty in the name of Iowa state pride will be much more fun than watching him eat pink slime.
  8. Just imagine the gourmet opportunities for serving weed with LaQuercia Prosciutto and Maytag Blue Cheese.
  9. It will provide a third crop for highway travelers to stare at while driving across the state.
  10. Walcott’s Iowa 80 Truck Stop would become the Burrito Capitol of the World.
  11. Legal weed might encourage University of Iowa students to drink less. Maybe. Well, nah, scratch that one.
  12. You’ll finally be able to make a real meaningful “connection” at Greater Des Moines Young Professional Connection.
  13. No one from the eastern half of the country will ever need to drive to Colorado again.
  14. Best State Fair Ever . . . EVEN BETTER!!!!
  15. We recently elected Steve King and Joni Ernst, so we must need something to make us Iowa nicer again.

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