Des Moinsk, Iowaberia

OMFG, why do people live here?!?

OMFG, why do people live here?!?

John Ruskin once said “There is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”

But STFU, John Ruskin. Because Iowa.

We have collected some inspirational Iowa weather quotes below to help gird your loins (hopefully “gird” means “make warm”) through the Arctic days ahead. Yes, it really is that bad. Stop gloating, Florida. We hate you.

Scarves, mittens and hats are great ways to express personality in cold weather. My ensemble says “Bitter, desperate, resentful crank.”

Would you bet your paycheck on tomorrow’s weather forecast? If the forecast is “Something horrible in Iowa,” then yes. Yes I would.

Wherever you go in Iowa, no matter what the season, always bring your own sunshine. Usually in a flask, to numb the weather-driven despair.

If you want to see the sunshine, first you have to weather the storm. Because once it passes, you can get on the plane and leave Iowa forever.

Who cares about clouds when we’re together? Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather! Okay. That didn’t work at all. I hate you.

Climate is what we expect. Weather is what we get. Plus depression.

It is only in sorrow bad weather masters us; in joy we face a storm and defy it. Then we wake up, and sorrowfully scrape ice off the car.

Bad weather always looks worse through a window. Especially when you’re outside freezing to death after losing your house keys in a snow bank, in the dark.

Everyone talks about weather, but no one does anything about it. Because we’re trapped inside the house, and our cloud-busting guns are out in the garage, where we can’t reach them.

Long, dark, dreary winter months make great campaigning weather for the devil. But he just sends the Republicans to Iowa and vacations in Florida, since he hates the cold too.

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