Useful Iowa Excuses

Sure, things are different here in Iowa. And as a new captive, sometimes you’re going to make some goofs, and raise some eyebrows. But whenever you sense that the levels of Iowa Nice are dropping due to something you said or did, these proven Iowa Excuses can get you out of just about any pickle!

“Yes, I did my homework, but Steve King ate it.”

“The check’s in the Obamamail.”

“Sorry I’m late. I-35 was closed. From Mason City to Lamoni. For a week.”

“Oh, sorry I farted. But it’s 15% ethanol, so we’re making money on it.”

“I’ll take the trash out just as soon as we get a new governor.”

“Oh, dude, wow, you mean I was supposed to go to college this semester in Cedar Falls, not Cedar Rapids?!?”

“Sorry I missed your birth, son. Obama wouldn’t let me open carry in the delivery room. So I went to the bar.”

“I missed church today because the Children of the Corn caught me. And then sold me to the Children of the Soy, with a good mark-up.”

“Not tonight, I have a headache. Probably from all of those low frequency wind turbine vibrations.”

“I’m going to have to work from home until they fix the Sky Walk.”

“It’s not you, it’s me, and I’m just not ready for socialized bank accounts and communist showers.”

“I couldn’t make any dinner tonight because we were all out of Maytag Blue Cheese.”

“How can our government be broken??? I did exactly what FOX News told me to do!!!”

“There’s no future for us as a couple: you’re in banking, I’m in insurance. Our families would never understand.”

“Sorry I missed your birthday, Grandma. All of the rivers were flooded. And frozen.”

“Sorry I’m an hour late. There were two people in line in front of me at Palmer’s, and one wanted toasted bread!”

“Oh, you wanted that delivered to 50th Street in West Des Moines, not 50th Street in Real Des Moines???”

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