It is almost as easy to get a drivers license in Iowa as it is to get a weapons permit, so just about everyone has one. Since Iowans don’t like to have their freedoms and liberties infringed, there’s also no pesky government inspectors to tell you how to take care of your own vehicular properties. So to keep things running smoothly, here are some helpful rules of the road that they didn’t teach you when you took drivers education in seventh grade:

• It’s better to decide which way you want to turn before you get into the middle of intersection.
• You don’t have to turn the wheel the same way you turn your head when looking at the scenery. It’s just corn, anyway.
• That whirring sound you hear is nature’s way of telling you: “Get some new tires.”
• Just because the road is narrow doesn’t mean you should always drive down the middle of it.
• You do not have to prove how nice you are by letting every single car through at the four-way stop.
• It’s better to stop the car before you take a behind-the-wheel selfie, no matter how cute you look.
• Dragging your muffler along behind you does not make you a Low Rider, though it sure sounds cool.
• The pile of deer on your hood should not be taller than your windshield.
• The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, not a random series of swerves
• Slow and steady does not win the race. Ever. But what’s your hurry, anyway?