James Joyce vs. Breakfast

James Joyce

Nora Barnacle: Good morning, James. Would you like me to make you some pancakes?

James Joyce: och nae nah ah dint wint nae fookin pannynannykekkies come tuggle ruggle river red runner gunner yes. gimmae sommat fooktesticlees frothymarvel guinness ye gaddlin sprad!

Nora Barnacle: For heaven’s sake, James. I’m just trying to make your breakfast, you half-blind bastard. Where’s Michael Feeney when I need him? You drink too much.

James Joyce: orra gorra norra ye blastit titful of clams an oysterorra. i marrit ye, ye cow! ye’ll tackle on me joyceliness and be done wi ye aquatical beasties and rockhugging moneymanimonnikers! nae brang mae me frothybubblit, norra gorra orra!

Nora Barnacle: You know what you can do with your “frothybubblit,” you obscure little pedant, you! And while we’re on the subject of your obscurity and pedantry, what I am to make of this bit from your letter yesterday: “I would like you to wear drawers with three or four frills one over the other at the knees and up the thighs and great crimson bows in them?” Well, blast that nonsense all to hell! What sort of person writes such letters? And who would wear such things? I’m a lady, James! A lady, you hear?

Breakfast

Guy Who Blocks The Flow: Is all of James Joyce like that? I never read any of it, though I never tried to. And what is Bloomsday, anyway?

Guy Who Explains Things: Bloomsday is the day on which the events of James Joyce’s “Ulysses” occur, celebrated the world over every year by people who have honestly never even come close to having sex. Of course, I have sex all the time. In fact, I am having sex right now. In a manner of speaking. And by that I mean I am lying.

James Joyce: och an bleedyreedy buggerall rum tumblin tugglers ye sotted waisto’pants wi ye falsely flaccidonderry scandalous us mocktery o me quippy pun an me barby quips an me witty puzzle wuzzles! ifn i cae optic ye, ye’d be hornswilled in a calf’s pudnostrum!

Guy Who Blocks The Flow: Okay, I just went and read two pages of “Finnegan’s Wake.” And then I thought to myself: “I wonder what’s on Cartoon Network right now?”

James Joyce: e brang mae me frothybubblit, harlotcow!!!

3 thoughts on “James Joyce vs. Breakfast

  1. Pingback: So What Brings You to Indie Albany? « INDIE ALBANY

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