The Road to Hell

From my perspective, today and tomorrow, the Road to Hell would be I-87 northbound to Saratoga, where the Dave Matthews Band will be playing a two night set at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center (SPAC).

Coming home from work tonight, the traffic heading up to the abyss was already heavy, and there were way too many vehicles pulled over on the side of the highway as folks ambled about aimlessly on the shoulders and along the woods, because, uh, that’s what you do on the way to a Dave Matthews Band concert, I guess? I really don’t know what they were doing, or why they couldn’t do it in a parking lot, off an exit ramp. It will remain a mystery to me. An annoying mystery.

While I consider DMB’s music to be mostly harmless and inoffensive, when I was sent to review one of their shows at SPAC a decade ago, it was literally one of the most painful experiences in my thirty-plus years of concert-going, so totally not my scene, so totally not my taste, so totally not my community, and so totally annoying and boring to me in equal measure.

So if you wanted to punish me and punish me good, you could require me to be up there sweating in the traffic, crawling up Route 9, and then being forced to pick my way through the lawn at SPAC as the noodle dancers worked their magic. If I had to pick that or a root canal, I’d chose the latter, since at least I’d get legal anesthesia that way and wouldn’t remember the most painful bits.

But to all of you who find these evenings to be joyous occasions, I salute you, and wish you the grandest of grand times with your like-minded friends and associates. I’m honestly pleased these days when anybody takes the time and energy to go see music that moves them live, rather than just streaming it on their computers, even if I don’t have the faintest idea why you like what you like. So have fun! Dance good! Do pretty!

But just don’t do it on the side of the road near my house. Please.

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