3 AM

I woke up at 3 AM last night, feeling like I had something on my mind, or something I needed to do, or something that I should be worried about. It couldn’t be school, since last night was my very last class. (Hooray!) It couldn’t be work, since our stressful Board meetings are over, my boss is taking a well-deserved vacation, and things are quiet and under control in my department. Nothing family-wise, either, since everybody is generally well and healthy on that front as well.

Finally, I decided that what was causing me anxiety was a lack of anxiety.

I’ve spent two years constantly looking a day or a week or a month ahead, worrying about what paper, or what project, or what group work assignment, or what whatever was looming before me, undoubtedly to cause family or work scheduling complications, or to devour the limited free time that I have. Now that that has been removed, my brain apparently feels freaked out by the idea that there are no more papers, projects, group work assignments or whatevers to contend with.

Once I figured that out, I got back to sleep and sawed logs ’til the alarm went off at 6 AM. It’s gonna take a little time, I guess, to shift gears when such a consuming part of one’s life is removed, though I suspect I will quickly acclimatize and find new things to fill those hours.

Oh . . . and when I got home from dinner and drinks last night and checked the mailbox, I found my seeds a-waiting. (Catnip, chamomile, lavender). Thanks, Mom!

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